Dealing with Divorce: The Initial Anguish

dealing with divorce

Someone who has been part of your life for probably many years wants to leave you. This person you thought would be with you until your dying day. As much as you know you had problems in your relationship, it doesn’t seem like enough to warrant a divorce. However, your spouse wants one, and there’s really nothing you can do to make him or her stay.

Sound similar to your situation?

Many couples face this situation in their marriage. The initial anguish of the divorce process is a trying time. There are many questions:

  • Why does he or she not want to work it out with me?
  • Did I do something wrong?
  • What if I didn’t do this or that? would my spouse have still wanted this divorce?

These questions and many others are normal. It’s your mind trying to hold on to something that seems to be leaving you very quickly. You want so desperately to know, so maybe you can fix it. You want to be able to understand, so you can justify what is happening.

Sometimes, there are no answers. You may not have done anything wrong. This may be something your spouse is dealing with internally. He or she may be running away from something or too depressed to work on the situation.

Is it fair to you? Not at all. You didn’t deserve this, even if there were some problems in the relationship in which you didn’t handle absolutely perfectly. Marriage isn’t easy, and it’s really more about working through difficulties rather than throwing your hands up and abandoning it. You can’t control your spouse, though. All you can do is manage your internal anguish.

How to Manage Your Internal Anguish

When you can’t control a situation, you have to turn inwards to manage your reaction to it. Yes, you should cry. Yes, you should yell. All of these emotions are your reactions to the situation, and denying them will only cause you harm well into the future.

The best way to deal with your internal anguish is to vent it. You vent it by letting it go through crying and yelling. Does this mean it’s okay to do damage to your spouse’s belongings because you feel like taking out revenge? No. You know right from wrong. You need to release the energy inside of you in a good way, not a bad one.

Talking is one of the best ways to vent all of the hostility inside of you. When you talk about everything that’s happened, you’ll end up coming to terms with it. You’ll be able to start to see you can make it in this world, even if your spouse has decided to go in a different direction from you.

A great person to talk to about divorce is a personal consultant. You don’t have to worry about being judged or criticized. You can feel at ease with a personal consultant because he is your confidant. Someone you can trust and talk freely with knowing you are being listened to completely. Don’t you need that comfort right now?

Book a personal consulting session with Kendall Van Blarcom right now. It’s amazing what talking to someone who truly understands feels like…

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Kendall E. Van Blarcom, Psy.M.,