We don’t choose who are parents are, and for some of us, we end up with parents who didn’t exactly show us the love, support, and compassion we deserved growing up. As they grow older, those parents can come back and want to be helped. As much as you may not want to help them, you know you should. So what do you do? Do you just stay quiet and do what you feel you need to do? Or do you turn around and walk the other way?
Well, the decision is yours to make, and one decision doesn’t mean you can’t make a decision later.
With caregiving, there is a fair amount of guilt and resentment that builds – even for parents who are not narcissistic. It’s a lot of work taking care of another human being who is an adult and often times stuck in his/her ways. There are days you will be exhausted, frustrated, and utterly burned out.
Let’s not forget there are benefits to caregiving too. These benefits are what you probably are holding onto right now as you are considering taking care of your parents.
Let’s put it out there and say that you probably want a good relationship with your parent. You haven’t received what you’ve wanted yet, but you’re hoping that someday you will. A part of you thinks that if you do this, you will receive that love, support, and comfort that you never got in the first place.
One of the biggest mistakes people make with caregiving is having expectations. When people have expectations, they usually end up disappointed. Usually…..not always.
This is why sometimes, it’s okay to try the caregiving for a little while. If you find you are not getting what you need to continue providing care without harming yourself and your personal life, you can always make other arrangements.
When You Have No Choice
Some people feel as though they have no choice but to provide caregiving services to their older parent. They may not have money to pay for services, or they feel way too guilty not to do it themselves. What do these people do in this case?
- Treat it as a job. Just as you are not happy with your job all of the time, do what you need to do, and keep moving. The more emotionally invested you are in it, the worse it will feel. Just do, and try not to feel.
- Ask for help from friends and family. Try not to take all of the care yourself. It’s too much for one person, and you will get through this time in your life much easier if you have help. Reach out and take the help people offer.
- Talk to friends and family about how you feel. As much as you try not to feel, you will likely end up feeling some way. It’s best to vent it to get it out of your way. As you become accustomed to caring for your parent, it will be easier for you to let it go on your own.
- Reach out to a personal consultant. A personal consultant is just like a friend or family member. You can call him on the phone, talk about everything to get it all out and even problem solve your situation. After a session, you’ll feel as though you have a new perspective on life and caregiving. This can help you move forward with positivity.
Contact Kendall Van Blarcom today for a personal consulting session. He can help you with this situation, so you can feel better about what you are dealing with as you decide to or not to care for your older narcissistic parent.
Image courtesy of a4gpa from Flickr