be nice to yourself

How to Be Nice to Yourself (and Others)

As the old saying goes, to have friends you need to be a friend. If we notice someone in our lives we care about struggling, we try to help them with love and support. But why is it so difficult to be nice to yourself? Talking with a personal consultant can help you to learn self-compassion.

Becasue often when life deals us a difficult time, we are hard on ourselves. We berate ourselves and obsess over things we see as our faults. Criticizing and judging do not lead to happiness. This is true when individuals judge others and when we are overly critical of ourselves. Belittling yourself is not good for your mental health, it can lead to anxiety and depression. 

Be Nice to Yourself with Self-Compassion

Learning self-compassion is learning how to treat yourself with the same care and kindness you would show someone you love. You deserve the same support and love as you give to others. Start by simply acknowledging this, that you deserve compassion and care.

Recognize when you are critical of yourself or talk to yourself in a negative way. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it and make a promise to yourself to do better next time. There is no need to punish yourself, we are all human and sometimes humans make mistakes. That is how we learn to do better next time. And if you find yourself noticing signs of depression, reach out and get the care you deserve. 

A good way to measure your self talk is recognizing if the tone you are using is too harsh for a loved one or a child. If it is, it is too harsh for yourself, too. With practice, you can learn to be kind to yourself, and doing so will enable you to be happier and kinder to others as well.

Here are a few ways to get started:

  • Be good to your body. Eat healthy meals, enjoy a walk through the neighborhood, and pamper yourself.
  • Powerful pep talks. Think about the things you say to a friend to encourage them. Take these compassionate words and say them to yourself.
  • Accept yourself. Practice mindfulness and observe your thoughts and emotions. Without judgement, see yourself and accept who you are.

Why It Can Be Difficult to Change

Too often, individuals equate compassion with weakness. Adults find themselves believing that self-compassion will undermine their personal strength and motivation. They feel they won’t be able to be a success and achieve their goals if they are kind. But in reality, being nice to yourself is a source of strength.

People who are hard on themselves reinforce negative self talk. They find themselves in a loop of berating themselves. Meanwhile, individuals who practice self compassion are able to learn through their failures and try again. They develop resilience.

With any change in life, self compassion takes practice. Over time, it will begin to feel natural. Then, you can be kinder to yourself (and others) each and every day.

Kendall Van Blarcom is a senior helping seniors. Contact Van Blarcom Consulting today for help with your personal problems. Or, reach out to provide support for an older adult in your life.

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Are you feeling “uneasy” about a situation in your life? Kendall Van Blarcom provides caring and compassion as your personal confidant, helping you overcome the obstacles standing in the way of your peace and joy. Sessions are conducted via a secure landline. Call for an appointment today.

Van Blarcom Consulting Mission Statement

To provide improved mental health support for seniors, education, and motivation to individuals having difficulty with life’s challenges, and to empower them to turn their life around so they can improve it with positive changes that will greatly influence their thoughts, feelings, and actions for the rest of their life.

Kendall E. Van Blarcom, Psy.M. Licensed Psychotherapist (Retired)


Please note: I do not offer the services of a virtual counselor, therapist or geriatric psychologist. Online personal consulting is not intended to take the place of traditional face-to-face therapy, clinical assessment or treatment.

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