The time has come. You made the decision to put your older parent in a nursing home or assisted living facility. You didn’t necessarily want to do it, but you know deep down inside it’s best. Why do you feel so guilty and sad about it, though?
The answer lies in how you’re dealing with the decision of putting your older parent in a home. Even though it may be the best decision for your mom or dad, it’s what you’re thinking and believing about yourself that matters.
Not Good Enough
Many people who decide to put their older parent in a home feel as though they are just not good enough to care for their mom or dad adequately. They usually don’t have the time or feel they don’t have the skills.
Just because you believe you aren’t good enough doesn’t mean that you’re not. Actually, you probably are giving your mom and dad just the right amount and quality of care needed. You may be too hard on yourself.
You may feel as though you are lazy. While you want to care for your older parent, a part of you really doesn’t want the work that comes along with it.
There’s nothing wrong with this because it is a lot of work. Caregiving is demanding – phsysically, emotionally, and mentally.
You are NOT lazy just because you have decided you don’t want to devote all of your spare time to taking care of your parent. You are choosing to protect the relationship you have with your parent, by not ruining it with resentment when you feel as though you’ve had enough after a long day of caregiving.
You may feel as though you are selfish. Taking care of your older parent may not fall into your schedule as nicely as you would like it to, so you feel guilty about not doing it. You don’t have to feel this way, and you are NOT selfish.
You are thinking of your older parent when you decide to put him or her in a home. You are trying to provide your mom or dad with a good place for them to live where they will have everything they need. If you were selfish, you would ONLY think of yourself, and wouldn’t care where they lived or how they cared for themselves.
Pat yourself on the back. You’re stepping up and caring for your older parents.
Some people have a belief they MUST care for their aging parents. They believe it makes them a bad person if they don’t do it. This is untrue.
You are not obligated to care for your parents. Sure, it’s a nice thing to do, but finding a safe, healthy home for your parent is also nice.
Not all beliefs people have are warranted. You made up that belief because you felt as though that’s what you should do – it’s not what you need to do. If you can remember that, a lot of the pressure you’re putting on yourself will be relieved.
Are you still feeling bad about putting your older parents in a home? I understand how hard it is for you. That’s why I work as a personal consultant. I help people just like you deal with situations such as this, so they feel better about themselves and their situation in life. Book a session with me now. We can tackle the feelings and thoughts you’re having, so you can feel good about yourself again.