The Anger of Caregiving: Why It’s Okay to Be Mad

You may not want to feel this way, but you can’t help it. You’re angry. No one has really made you mad, but you’re so upset that you can’t really handle it.

As much as you’ve tried to “get over it,” you just can’t. The littlest things set you off. You just can’t stand anything anymore.

Why…

Anger comes from many different causes. Some people feel angry because someone has done something to them. They feel wronged in some way. Caregivers have a more subtle cause for anger. Their anger is rooted  in something they can’t control – their aging parent.

A parent is someone who took care of you from the moment you were born. That person was the one to tend to your every need and then let you go when you could survive on your own two feet.

Things are different now. The tables are turned. You are the caring person now. You lost the person who was there to care for you. That can make you incredibly upset.

It’s not your parent’s fault – you know that. It’s not the medical community – you know that too. You can’t be mad at anyone or anything. Aging is a normal process and yes, it does change the definition of relatioships.

Should you be angry? Yes… (you thought I was going to say no, right?)

You should be angry. It’s an upsetting thing to deal with. Our inner child is screaming for his/her mommy or daddy and isn’t getting that attention anymore. That inner child feels abandoned and is stomping around demanding mommy and daddy.

Luckily, we are resilient. As much as we hate to admit it, feels subside with time and knowledge. As you go through this time with your parent(s), you will start to create a new relationship with him/her. This relationship will be much different, but can be much more valued. This is as long as you don’t fight it.

Give yourself time to accept that your parent(s) is no longer able to do the things that he/she did in the past. Be good to yourself…be your mommy or daddy to that inner child. Support the child and show him/her that it is okay and that mommy or daddy is there just not able to help right now.

Getting Through the Pain

While you’re angry, you may some things you don’t mean to your parent. Try to keep yourself from doing that, but if it does happen, consider bringing up what you just read here. Explain to your parent what is going on inside of you. He/She will likely understand what you’re saying. Remember, your parent also lost a parent at some point.

Spend as much time as possible with your parent during this transitional phase. It may make you madder, but allow yourself to feel that pain because with time, you’ll start to feel much different. You’ll all of a sudden realize that you don’t feel as angry anymore. You may even start to feel at peace and have joy when you get to spend some quality time with him/her.

If you just can bear what you’re going through right now, you are not alone. Kendall Van Blarcom is a personal consultant who understands what you’re going through right now and can help you through it. Set up an appointment now for a special introductory price!