care for you

The Struggle of Allowing Someone to Care for You

You would never think you would have such a hard time accepting help. All of these years, you’ve probably asked for help or just wished someone would come along who would help you. However, now that you have someone at your beck and call, you hate it. You just want to be left alone, so you can do what you need to do.

The problem is that sometimes, you know you can’t do what you want to do. You’ve tried to do everything on your own, but you’re making more and more mistakes. It’s so hard!

While you could turn to your loved one for help, you have this feeling that it’s going to be the beginning of the end of your independence. You don’t want to give that up. It’s too troubling.

So what do you do?

It’s time to come to terms with what is going on in this stage of life.

You don’t have to relinquish everything. You have a lot of independence still inside of you, so you should take advantage of it. That does not mean you shouldn’t ask for help.

When you ask for help, you aren’t asking for someone to do everything for you. What you are asking for is someone to come in and do something you are not able to do right now.

When Help Wants to Do Everything

Some people do have a tendency to take over when they are asked for help. Instead of asking what you need, the person just steps in and does everything. This can be quite frustrating!

How you can control this is by asking for help with something specifically. For example, you can say, “Can you please place this big pot of water on the stove for me?” That’s it. You aren’t asking for that person to cook for you, or do anything else. You’re just asking to have the pot moved.

Now, if that person takes it upon him/herself to do more, you can then interject and say, “No, no, it’s okay I can do the rest.” You don’t have to say it in a way that will hurt the person’s feelings. You can just state a fact.

If this doesn’t seem like something you can say, you can always distract the person with something else you need help with such as, “Can you instead set the table for me?” or “Can you run to store for some more butter?” By giving the person a task, you end up freeing yourself from the unsolicited help, and you end up getting even more out of the deal – something you actually do need help with at the time.

Why People Don’t Get It

People have a hard time believing you still have the mental and physical capacity to do a lot of things yourself. They see the changes in you from aging, and they take what they’ve read and seen in society and place them on you. It’s not right, but it really does come from a good place.

Try these suggestions. If they don’t work, or you feel as though you still can’t ask for help at all, you may want to consider asking for help from a personal consultant like Kendall Van Blarcom. He can help you figure out what you can do about this situation, so you can start to feel better about it all.

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Help is as Close as your Phone
Are you feeling “uneasy” about a situation in your life? Kendall Van Blarcom provides caring and compassion as your personal confidant, helping you overcome the obstacles standing in the way of your peace and joy. Sessions are conducted via a secure landline. Call for an appointment today.

Van Blarcom Consulting Mission Statement

To provide improved mental health support for seniors, education, and motivation to individuals having difficulty with life’s challenges, and to empower them to turn their life around so they can improve it with positive changes that will greatly influence their thoughts, feelings, and actions for the rest of their life.

Kendall E. Van Blarcom, Psy.M. Licensed Psychotherapist (Retired)


Please note: I do not offer the services of a virtual counselor, therapist or geriatric psychologist. Online personal consulting is not intended to take the place of traditional face-to-face therapy, clinical assessment or treatment.

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