Does your best friend just have bad behavior that you’d like to correct? Maybe you need to ask yourself why you’re allowing these irritating things to continue happening in your life. If your best friend does things that irritate you, then you might want to consider the following two choices that could very well bring you positive results for ending the other person’s irritating behavior. Remember, your best friend might not think that her behavior is irritating. It’s just that no one has stopped enabling her, which is why she continues to do the things she does.
How do you handle a situation with a best friend who disrespects you?
1. Let’s say that your best friend is always late. Initially, you might have given her the benefit of the doubt, because she said that traffic was just horrible, or she got caught at work and didn’t have a chance to call.
Being late can happen to anyone, but it’s how your best friend shows her disrespect to you by not calling, not showing up, and repeating the behavior. The first thing that you can do is not to lash out in anger. Simply explain to your friend that your time is very valuable to you. Tell her that the next time the two of you arrange to get together, you will give her a fifteen-minute window of time to show up. If she doesn’t show up, then you leave. No explanation needed.
However, if she calls within that fifteen-minute window of time to tell you that she’ll be there in thirty minutes, then remind her about your agreement. Tell her you’re sorry, but you won’t be there when she arrives. She might act irritated, and she might not call you for a little while. But what are your choices? You can allow her to continue disrespecting you, or you can dismiss her until she can treat you with the respect that you deserve. It’s about setting boundaries. Make sure you have them.
2. Let’s imagine that you have a friend who always seems to call you at the last minute to get together. Maybe she’s always been like that. Maybe she doesn’t make plans until the very last minute. Maybe you have no one else to check in with to find out if all of her other plans have fallen through and you’re the last choice for the evening. And it doesn’t have to just be a girlfriend. Maybe you get a phone call from a guy on a Friday or Saturday night at 5 o’clock, and he asks what you’re doing. Excuse me?
First of all, if you had nothing better to do, then it might be totally okay to explain why you’re home on a Friday or Saturday night. But this type of situation is also about self-respect and allowing the person to think that you’re always available and at their beck and call.
So, try this: the next time your friend calls and asks what you’re doing, tell that person that you’ve already made plans. You could have plans to read a book, go to the movies, or work on a favorite hobby. There is no formal rule book that says you have to tell a friend what you’re doing. And it’s not that you’re trying to be evasive. You’re entitled to your own space and your own time, and oh, by the way, you get to choose what you do or don’t do.
In a lighthearted way, and making it sound totally convincing, ask the person to check in again with you next week and maybe the two of you can do something together. After repeating this phrase for two or three more times, the person will either: a) call you in advance to make plans; or b) find somebody else who has nothing better to do than to take last-minute phone calls.
For more options, call Kendall and schedule an appointment. He can provide you with many more choices for feeling good about yourself.