assisted living for dad or mom

When It’s Time to Find Assisted Living for Dad or Mom

assisted living for dad or momIt’s never easy to decide when it’s time to find an assisted living facility for your parent. As much as you want to help him or her, you may find it’s more than you can handle. You fear that something may happen while you are away. You can’t be there all of the time because you have to work or you have a family. The guilt is unbearable – no matter what you do or don’t do.

Weighing the Advantages vs. Disadvantages

An assisted living facility provides many benefits to you and your parent:

  • Safety
  • Medication management
  • Medical monitoring
  • Health assessing
  • Financial assistance
  • Assistance with daily living skills
  • Socialization
  • Healthy meals
  • Family involvement

These are just some of the benefits. Each assisted living facility is different and each may offer more or less to meet the needs of your loved one.

As you’re considering this choice for support, you may want to know the disadvantages as well.

  • Some senior citizens feel limited in what they can do in assisted living facilities.
  • Loneliness can be a problem, even when there are many people around.
  • The meals may not be what your loved one enjoys.
  • Some older residents do not want anyone knowing about their finances.
  • It can make your loved one feel as though he or she no longer has independence.

Not all senior citizens feel this way when they move into assisted living. Everyone is different. Some people like it, while others don’t. What’s important is to think about your loved one and his or her needs and wants. Having an open, honest discussion about it may be helpful when trying to decide.

How to Speak to Your Loved One about Assisted Living

It’s important to let your parent know that it’s not because he or she has become a burden. That is not the case at all. It’s because your loved one’s needs have grown beyond what you can provide. You want to ensure your dad or mom has everything he or she needs no matter the time of day or night.

Remind your parent that you want the best for him or her. You appreciate everything your dad or mom has done for you, and now it’s your turn to do the same.

After stating your position allow your loved one to respond. Listen intently while he or she speaks. Take it all in and consider it. Answer any questions and if you don’t know the answer, feel free to call an assisted living facility to find out. When you do this together, you show your loved one that you aren’t taking his or her independence away.

It’s important to ensure that your loved one doesn’t feel you are sending him or her away. Remind your parent that you will visit often – daily, every other day, or weekly. While you may assume he or she knows this, sometimes, it helps to voice it.

Other Options to Consider

If your loved one is against an assisted living facility, search for other options such as home care. See if this will make your parent feel better about extra support and give you some relief.

Personal consulting can be an option as well. Kendall Van Blarcom can be a great support to your dad or mom. He has experience working with senior citizens in assisted living facilities, at home, and in other care settings. People always love speaking with him because he is a confidant to them. They can trust him, lend the ear they need, and provide support and encouragement to change their perspective when it comes to life in the Golden Years. Many family members feel their loved one has greatly improved their quality of life by working with Kendall. To find out more about personal consulting, contact Kendall today by phone or email.

Image courtesy of Toa55 from

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  1. This is a timely post for me as I’ve spent the past sereval days trying to decide the best approach to take with a confrontation. I’m an RN case manager for children with special health care needs. I try to be available, open, non-judgmental and trusting. My goal is to establish a positive and lasting relationship with my families. Today I confronted a mom about an issue which partially involved honesty. Personally, I hate confrontation and dishonesty is something which personally bothers me greatly. The issue actually came up last week but I chose not to confront it at that time, but instead to spend some time thinking about how best to deal with it. The first thing I realized is that I needed to set aside my own personal feelings regarding this and to as much as possible keep them from becoming entangled in a professional relationship. I spent some time discussing the issue at hand with my supervisor. An additional objective opinion is always a good thing in trying to sort through and figure things out. Together we came up with some ground rules. It does help that this is backed by those higher up in the chain of command than me – “blame it on my boss” I spent sereval days “cooling off”… because admittedly I was mad and no good can come of a discussion in the heat of anger. I spent a good bit of time thinking about what to say and how to say it. I also spent some time thinking about the reasons why this mom might have done the things she did. And while I may not like it, I can accept it as understandable given some of the things I know about her situation. My goal was to simply state the facts, without accusation and to maintain a positive working relationship with this family. This morning I called the mom. I told her “We need to talk about .” And then simply stated the ground rules. I don’t think she liked these rules any, which I expected to be the case. But I think she accepted them. Time will tell but hopefully she continues to feel that I am on her side and here to help.

    1. I believe you handled this situation perfectly. You acted with mindfulness and professionalism. A cooling off period or a time-out is usually best and trying to look at a situation from the other person’s perspective is always positive and can provide valuable insight. You should be commended for your management of this situation! Thank you for your comment!

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